Before the summer started I instinctively sensed a new beginning. I told my partner at work one day... a change is coming. I can feel it. There was no fear or terror, it was a change in life that was to take place.
And it is was noticeable during my vacation week in July that the change has arrived as I spent time with my girls on their own.
My 4 kids and I used to be one entity. Regardless of where we lived, we were one family. But this summer, I know that that singular path we all walked has divided. I am walking slightly behind them. They are at a fork in the road. It feels like sometimes they turn around to wave at me, or ask me to come their way and then sometimes it feels like they don't even know I am there.
I am sure that to some of you this is very abstract and even crazy but I have always been able to feel and sense things that others couldn't. But it is more than sensing them. It is the reality of the summer of 09. The transition summer.
Jamie is heading towards a singular path of exploring and learning and deciding. There is no one else on her path and she likes it just that way. She is pushing thru her homesickness and learning how to deal with the unknown. She is searching and she will find it.
Brittany is on a traditional path - a bit of school is left but she is focused on building a household and home for herself and Brent. Her path is wide as it has room for 2 and more.
Jason is on his path of manhood and is sometimes a little reckless and carefree but he is still on the straight and narrow. He is the one who really doesn't look back too much. He is taking some leaps and bounds away from the clan. But when he looks back at me, he winks a special wink for me.
And Chelsea is slower to reach the fork in the road. She is in her last year of high school. It is like she is sitting at the beginning of the fork in the road and just planning and planning and thinking and thinking and having fun. Her new set of wheels has given her the freedom to choose what she is doing and where she is going. And she is growing up fast.
And then there is my path. The Mom. Slightly faded as it spreads gently over all 4 paths. There is a strong solid line inside my own path which is my own personal foot prints. I have my own path to follow but from time to time I crisscross back and forth to the paths of my kids but always returning to my own path.
And so it begins, the Transition. The summer of 09.
When the 'one' has turned into 5.
And I watch them go with a heavy heart but yet a proud heart.
The mere fact that all of them are able to walk towards the fork in the road and walk on their own path is the sign that I did good. I the MOM, did it. I prepared them well and they are ready to go off on their own.
Oh they will be back for brief visits but it will never be the same. We have a new reality.
And we will enjoy and love this new reality.
