Lessons from the HEART 4.0

I am going to write something that I feel that my kids will need to know and reference in the years to come. As the purpose of this blog is for my kids to resource when needed, it seems that the topic of depression is an important topic to write about. I am no expert on this topic but like 90% of the population who at one time or another, I have experienced days or moments or times of my life that could be characterised as sad, the blues or depression.

have never been medicated for any depression as I was really adamant that I would work thru anything. But please know, that there is nothing wrong with medication if you really really need it. Just make sure you really need it.

Your great grandmother Jones experienced a deep depression and I believe that this was passed on your my mother, your Grandma Allen. I am not sure if my mother's depression was environmental or genetic but your Grandma Allen was surely depressed. If I had to assess it myself, I believe that Grandma Allen had both environmental and situational depression. Environmental from the fact that she saw her mother behave like this so she deemed it to be normal (or beneficial) but also situational as her life certainly may have lead to a deep sadness and many regrets.

I experienced postpartum blues with you, Jamie. I hid it so well that no one not even your Dad knew that I had it. But I did. And it was tough and lasted for a few weeks. But I just worked thru it. It was not right perhaps to not get help but that was how I handled it. And if I had to do it all over again, I am sure that I would do it the same way again.

Having said all this, I do believe that the term depression is used too loosely in our western society. I need you to understand that everyone experiences sadness and the blues. Everyone feels down and lonely, and discouraged. Everyone feels like throwing in the towel from time to time. This is normal. Situations in your life will cause you to feel sadness. Deaths, divorces, empty nesting, loss of a job, parenting challenges, financial struggles, hormonal, boredom... so many things....can cause you to feel this way. And you may be sad for a long time or it may be just a day. It may truly be a depression but in more times than not, you are just having the blues.

Depression is when:

• hobbies and friends do not interest you


• you are exhausted all the time - all day long


• you feel like you are living in a black hole


• your eating, appetite, your sleeping habits all change


• you self loathe


• you may be in physical pain with aches


• it is more than sadness - it is a deep consistent relentless sadness


• you remove yourself from society

And depression lasts longer and is much stronger than sadness.

LESSONS from the HEART 4.0
So my children, when life's struggles hit you smack in the face and in my terms, you just do not feel like "playing today"... here is a list of things that have always helped me to bounce back.

From my perspective:

• Keep busy. Have a schedule and keep to it. Make a list of what you want to accomplish regardless of how small or meaningless the things on the list may seem to be.


• Get a job or get involved in volunteer work. Everyone needs a purpose and children can only be the purpose for a small portion of your life. Contribute to society.


• For my daughters - Get a good girlfriend - one that you can trust and tell your secrets too. It may be a sister or a friend, or even your mother. Someone you can really trust with you inner feelings.


• Journal. Write your feelings down. Even send yourself a letter.


• Pray. Faith will get you thru everything one day at a time. Write God a letter. Talk to your angels.


• Read a book - a good positive self-improvement book.


• Allow yourself one day in bed if you need to to feel sorry for yourself. Take a mental health sick day. But just one day. Then you need to literally kick yourself out of bed. You must get out of bed.


• Speak positive inner thoughts - you are stronger than this. Write them down if you need to remember them and read them frequently.


• AND don't feel like you are the only person going thru this and everyone else's lives are great. This is such a myth. EVERYONE has problems. Trust me on that one. Some are just more obvious than others.

REMEMBER what I have said: "everyone has a pile of shit in their life. Some days, the pile is just small and you easily skip over it and ignore it. Some days or even weeks it is huge and it takes so much energy to walk around it. But eventually you do. Just remember that every one's pile size changes. And yours will too!"

And keep in mind. If you never experience sad days, you can't experience happy days. You need to feel the opposite feeling to really cherish the contrasting feeling.

And when and if you ever feel really bad, know that I am here for you - one way or another I will be there for you! Be it in person or in these words written for you.

Love the 'MOM'.