Reacting to 2 curve balls

Fall of 2010.
2 curve balls.

1. I will be turning 50 years old.
2. I will be an empty nester.

WOW.. how did that happen? Where did the time go?
Hmmm.
Well, the first 25 years was pure and simple my years of growing up. Ok. makes sense-that counts for half of the time but what about the next 25 years?

The next 25 years were the years of kids and establishing a career. WOW. 25 years of being a Mom to 4 children and working hard to create a successful career.

When I reflect back to those last 25 years, I am very hard pressed to say that I would change very much. They were busy and crazy years but of course they were. I had numerous schedules to juggle. But wow... they were great years. And I wouldn't change a thing with regards to my kids. If anything I would change more in the first 25 years but hey those were growing up years. We didn't even understand consequences of our choices at that age!

This past summer I knew that it would be my last summer with Chelsea at home and that in a few months I would be an empty nester. Such horrible stories from some mothers - depression, crying, feeling of no purpose. WOW... what was I in for? And add to that I am turning 50?

I wondered what was going to be in store for me?

I remember Chelsea pulling out of the drive way, car packed and feeling somewhat blue and thinking to myself, well, here is comes. BUT I went to work, continued with my personal projects, continued going to the gym, continued with my life and voila - I was and am fine. What were they talking about?

Purpose? I still have a purpose.
Family? I still have a family - they just don't live with me all the time....
Communication? I still communicate with my kids. In fact there isn't a day goes by that at least 2 of them bbm or talk to me.
Career? I still have a career.
Love? I still have love.
Turning 50? nope - nothing there either. When I turned 40 I felt so wonderful and liberated, fulfilled I couldn't believe it. Now that I am turning 50...I feel great.

So what is different?

I have some more time. I have more time to do some of the things on my bucket list. I have more time to travel. I have more time to give to the community. I have more time to continue learning and doing other things. I have time to think. I have more time to really work on myself and grow and learn spiritually. I have time to work on me.

So what is the down side?
Not sure. Because I am not feeling anything negative at all.

I am living true to myself. I have a routine yet I have spontaneity as well.
I have purpose and a focus but time to forward think and plan the next 25 years.
I am the most fit that I have been in 10 years but know that I will get even more fit.


Yes... 2 big curve balls have come and gone... and I have never felt happier and more content.

I am not size 6 - but a healthy fit size 9/10 works for me.
I am not a millionaire - but I am doing just fine.
I do not live in a mansion - but oh my - I lost that desire many years ago.
I have 4 kids who love their MOM and love to be with me.
I have a career that exceeds my expectations.
I have friends and family who love me.
I am healthy - not a pill in sight.

What I have is plentiful. What I can give is in abundance. What is ahead of me is exciting and inspiring.

So I say to those 2 curve balls. Let's play ball.

The Best Game is most likely yet to come.

It must be Fall

It must be Fall as I again have the urge to write.

Fall is a symbol for endings, for relaxation and for taking time to regroup.
I think it is Mother Nature's way to say, sit down and relax, enjoy, slow down & restore.

and so... I begin to write again.

Stay tuned.

The MOM

EASTER MORNING..... new joys with adult children

There are moments in your life when you are older when you know instinctively that they are special moments; moments that you will remember and cherish forever. You can feel how special they are deep within your soul. When you reflect on them, your heart is warm.

Easter Sunday morning 2010 was one of those moments in time for me.

I decided that this Easter I would decorate cupcakes for Easter dessert. It has been years since cupcakes were the dessert of choice so I thought that this year I would make chocolate ice cream bowls and Easter Cupcakes.

And when it came to decorating the cupcakes, my youngest 17 year old daughter wanted to help. It started out with Chelsea wanting to just make one but then she got the 'bug'. She wanted to decorate more. In the end we each decorated about 12 cupcakes and what fun. Chelsea got into it so much that she was even researching on the web decorating ideas. And boy was she good at it!

As you can see, it was a bit of a mess. We mixed colours, used every topping found in my kitchen and created some magic. I had a wonderful time and we couldn't wait to share with the family at dinner that night.

thanks for the memory Chelsea... I can't wait to do it again with you sometime.

love

THE MOM

Sorting out Memories

As I contemplate another move, it seems time to deal with some of the boxes of stuff that I have been moving with me over the last 15 years. These boxes are things that are full of 'important" stuff that I can't throw out but I need to find another way to deal with them.

So the first couple of boxes that I am tackling are the boxes full of notes, letters, crafts, cards from my kids when they were much younger. So much stuff, so much love in these boxes but it is taking up space. It is time to do something with them.

I decided to sort them all out. Put them into piles "from each child". Boy was that interesting. As I sorted the piles it was clear that the youngest had way more in her pile than the oldest child. I laughed at this as it seemed like justice. This is the opposite of the photo albums as the oldest certainly has more pictures than the baby of the family. So in the end I said to myself - this is all balancing all out somehow lol.

So what I have decided to do is to add my favourites to my scrapbook collection. Take all of the real special ones, the real funny ones and collage them into some scrapbook papers. What fun this has turned out to be. What laughter in these notes. Comments like "sorry I ate all the cookies mom... I love you, you are the best mom in the 'hole' wide world. I love you with all my 'hart'. I will always look after you!!" Spelling aside these notes give me flashbacks to the kids when they were little. It is funny how you only remember the good times and not all the work that was associated with being a parent of little ones.

Today I am glad they ate the cookies. I am sure I wasn't all that happy at the time because it just meant that I had to make more in a very busy time of my life. Or perhaps I had made them for that evenings dessert. But today, go for it... eat the cookies. Eat all the cookies. I will make more for you.

Today I give food and cookies away all the time. I still make lunches when asked. I make lunches for girlfriends and boyfriends too! I make special breakfasts for kids. Funny how things change.

And I am not getting notes anymore but I know that I am teaching them something more important. Sharing and giving. That is what a parent should be. Making the lives of their children easier. And I love doing it.

Oh they say thank you and I laugh saying... hey you never know when I may need a lunch when I am really really old. And you knows... that just might be true. But I know I will get it because they will remember what I did for them.

So to my kids.

I cherish all of your notes, your art work and I have selected several and have compiled a few scrapbook pages for us to walk down memory lane. They are here for you to share with your kids and for us to remember how blessed we are to have each other.

I love you. And remember - come over for some cookies. They are here waiting for you.

"The Mom"

Lessons from the HEART 4.0

I am going to write something that I feel that my kids will need to know and reference in the years to come. As the purpose of this blog is for my kids to resource when needed, it seems that the topic of depression is an important topic to write about. I am no expert on this topic but like 90% of the population who at one time or another, I have experienced days or moments or times of my life that could be characterised as sad, the blues or depression.

have never been medicated for any depression as I was really adamant that I would work thru anything. But please know, that there is nothing wrong with medication if you really really need it. Just make sure you really need it.

Your great grandmother Jones experienced a deep depression and I believe that this was passed on your my mother, your Grandma Allen. I am not sure if my mother's depression was environmental or genetic but your Grandma Allen was surely depressed. If I had to assess it myself, I believe that Grandma Allen had both environmental and situational depression. Environmental from the fact that she saw her mother behave like this so she deemed it to be normal (or beneficial) but also situational as her life certainly may have lead to a deep sadness and many regrets.

I experienced postpartum blues with you, Jamie. I hid it so well that no one not even your Dad knew that I had it. But I did. And it was tough and lasted for a few weeks. But I just worked thru it. It was not right perhaps to not get help but that was how I handled it. And if I had to do it all over again, I am sure that I would do it the same way again.

Having said all this, I do believe that the term depression is used too loosely in our western society. I need you to understand that everyone experiences sadness and the blues. Everyone feels down and lonely, and discouraged. Everyone feels like throwing in the towel from time to time. This is normal. Situations in your life will cause you to feel sadness. Deaths, divorces, empty nesting, loss of a job, parenting challenges, financial struggles, hormonal, boredom... so many things....can cause you to feel this way. And you may be sad for a long time or it may be just a day. It may truly be a depression but in more times than not, you are just having the blues.

Depression is when:

• hobbies and friends do not interest you


• you are exhausted all the time - all day long


• you feel like you are living in a black hole


• your eating, appetite, your sleeping habits all change


• you self loathe


• you may be in physical pain with aches


• it is more than sadness - it is a deep consistent relentless sadness


• you remove yourself from society

And depression lasts longer and is much stronger than sadness.

LESSONS from the HEART 4.0
So my children, when life's struggles hit you smack in the face and in my terms, you just do not feel like "playing today"... here is a list of things that have always helped me to bounce back.

From my perspective:

• Keep busy. Have a schedule and keep to it. Make a list of what you want to accomplish regardless of how small or meaningless the things on the list may seem to be.


• Get a job or get involved in volunteer work. Everyone needs a purpose and children can only be the purpose for a small portion of your life. Contribute to society.


• For my daughters - Get a good girlfriend - one that you can trust and tell your secrets too. It may be a sister or a friend, or even your mother. Someone you can really trust with you inner feelings.


• Journal. Write your feelings down. Even send yourself a letter.


• Pray. Faith will get you thru everything one day at a time. Write God a letter. Talk to your angels.


• Read a book - a good positive self-improvement book.


• Allow yourself one day in bed if you need to to feel sorry for yourself. Take a mental health sick day. But just one day. Then you need to literally kick yourself out of bed. You must get out of bed.


• Speak positive inner thoughts - you are stronger than this. Write them down if you need to remember them and read them frequently.


• AND don't feel like you are the only person going thru this and everyone else's lives are great. This is such a myth. EVERYONE has problems. Trust me on that one. Some are just more obvious than others.

REMEMBER what I have said: "everyone has a pile of shit in their life. Some days, the pile is just small and you easily skip over it and ignore it. Some days or even weeks it is huge and it takes so much energy to walk around it. But eventually you do. Just remember that every one's pile size changes. And yours will too!"

And keep in mind. If you never experience sad days, you can't experience happy days. You need to feel the opposite feeling to really cherish the contrasting feeling.

And when and if you ever feel really bad, know that I am here for you - one way or another I will be there for you! Be it in person or in these words written for you.

Love the 'MOM'.