Lessons from the HEART 2.0

"Life is a series of Curve Balls"

Well I found it.

I have a journal of poetry. I haven't read them in a couple of years nor have I written any more poems for some time. But for some reason this week I remembered and needed to find my poetry.

I am not sure why my poems came to mind this week. Perhaps today I am given a sign to start writing again. Perhaps today there is a message in there for me that I need to reread. I am not sure. It just seemed odd that I would think of it this week after all of this time. I didn't even know where the journal was. But I found it.

As I reread them after all of these years, I am amazed that each poem that I had written was unique and reminded me of giving birth to each of my children. You remember all of the details of each birth and the unique qualities of each child. And the same held true after all these years with my poems. Each poem intensely expressed my spirit (or the lack of spirit) at a specifically unique time. I was amazed at the fact that I could remember exactly when I wrote each of them, what was going on in my life at that time and how I was feeling. I can remember where I was when I physically wrote them. I can remember the poems that I wrote in the middle of night. Those that woke me up in the middle of the night and had to be written down before returning to sleep. I am amazed that I can feel the feelings that I had at the time of writing them. They were not always happy poems but they did truly reflect my spirit and my most inner (always secret) feelings at that time of my life. I am sure that it was important to express them and that it was a sort of therapy of sorts. Therapy that perhaps was to ward off depression or sadness - not sure.

Fortunately for me, I do not give into depression or the dark hole of life that is there waiting for anyone who will jump into it. Oh don't get me wrong, it is there as it is there for every spirit on this earth. I was just always able to work my way around it or through it. Statistically it is believed that every person has a depression or a depressive state at least once in their life. It is what you do with it that is the difference. And for me, I escaped it by allowing myself to express myself creatively. I have written journals, I have coloured and drawn in journals, (Jason and Chelsea did journals with me -I still have their journals), and have written poetry. I dumped "me" into journals and coloured my way back to peace.

I still wonder why I was to find them today. Was it to share them? Was it to inspire me to start writing again? Not sure. But I thought that today must be the day to give them life and share them with my children. In fact I don't believe that they even know about the poetry.

Now I don't profess to having any training in writing poetry except the training of writing those poems in public school like roses are red,..... But for some reason, they all seemed to come out ok... at least in my mind.

So today I share one of them from 2001.

INNER VOICE

The plan, of course is to listen
from deep within my heart,
to hear the truth
the Divine truth,
so I can choose my part.

I try to always listen
but it gets so hard to hear,
that inner voice
the only voice,
of my angel placed so near.

My mind is overworking
the past, the future untold,
I need to settle,
to quiet down,
let my Divine Purpose unfold.

I must not give up... so I start again

The plan, of course is to listen
from deep within my heart,
to hear the truth,
the Divine truth,
so I can do my part.

I must not give up....

inner peace and love is sought

Oct. 31, 2001
CJ

So kids, here is "Lessons from the Heart 2.0."








"Life is not always going to fair or fun. Life is a series of Curve Balls."



Unfortunately, this lesson is one lesson that they never teach you in school. You believe like we all did that upon graduation "life is going to be a bowl of cherries" - it will happen just as we plan it. But in reality "life is going to be a series of curve balls".
So today I want to share with you some words of wisdom.

"Life is a series of Curve Balls"

• Some balls you are going to catch and some you don't catch. That is ok.


• Some balls you do catch and shouldn't have - it was a test! That is ok too.


• And the most important point is.... you never know when the balls are coming but be assured, they will come. The key is to remember that despite outward appearances those curve balls come for everyone.

SO.....

Those curve balls are going to make you want to give up sometimes. (but don't, because life is good. Cherish those boring days. Think of those balls as life lessons)

Those curve balls are going to make you want to crawl back into bed sometimes. (allow yourself 1 day maximum on a weekend to regroup if you need to but then kick your butt out of bed and face the world. It is ok to pamper yourself occasionally - I said occasionally)

Those curve balls are going to be a struggle and a challenge sometimes (stand tall and face the struggle. You may have to do this alone so stand tall alone if need be. Everyone has struggles - it is just that some are more transparent that others.)

Some curve balls are just for you and no one else in your family (be prepared and be strong - the speed of that curve ball is what you can handle and when it is coming for you, know that you can handle it - 'you only get what you can handle and the goal is to make you stronger)

Those curve balls are going to make you feel depressed sometimes - even defeated (know that everyone feels this way sometimes but it is how you handle it that is the key. Allow yourself to feel it and feel right out of it. Ask for help if you need it.)

You are not going to get a perfect score in catching those curve balls(you will not get a perfect score in this game of life. And quite frankly I don't think you are suppose to. We are here to learn and become better spirits. So be easy on yourself - don't beat yourself up when you fall down and make mistakes. I do hope that you will have family and friends you will help you when you fall (but don't count on it guys) but if you don't, know that you do have the strength to pull yourself up - I know you do. Keep on going.)

Figure out what you can do to give you peace when those balls come flying (it may be hunting Jason, or cooking Brittany, or journally Jamie or exercising Chelsea.... and it may change for every curve ball that you recieve. I showed you my poetry and that was clearly something that I needed for that curve ball. Find your own escape or therapy for each curve ball and enjoy it.)

Cherish those wonderful gentle balls (or blessings) that come your way (life isn't all curve balls - the game of life will also be wonderful, great, loving, and full of blessings. be thankful for those gentle balls.... they will come just a frequently ..... we just don't always notice them as much)

And remember, regardless of whatever ball comes your way, I will always stand beside you. Not in front to protect you any more, not behind you to push you, but beside you... lending you my hand each and every time.

from me to you with love
"the Mom"

Memories ..... a tradition continues

"Mom's Cinnamon Rolls"

Today I was up exceptionally early - 5.00 a.m. believe it or not - on a weekend! Once I am up I am completely awake so I have learned to just get up. (After all it is the weekend I can always have a nap if I need it.) Fortunately I am a morning person and enjoy my morning ritual of readings, pray and coffee with my little dog Chloe. We have quite the morning routine Miss Chloe and I and we both enjoy every minute of it. But this am, knowing that I didn't have to go to work and I had an extra hour, I had the urge to bake cinnamon buns.

As I looked for that old familiar recipe, I always think of Mom. The recipe is in my Mom's hand writing and on her basic white pad of paper. Nothing fancy just practical. That was Mom. I think to myself that the recipe is fading but I will keep using it. I know that I will have to rewrite it one of these days but not today.

I do not think of Mom everyday as we really were never that close. We never shared any secrets or hopes or dreams. I never had those heart to heart conversations that some daughters have with their mom's or even like the ones that I have with my girls regularly. That just wasn't who Mom was with me or with very many people if any to be truthful. And I am completely fine with that. But what we did share is the art of baking and cooking.

How I do appreciate Mom for teaching me all of the domestic responsibilities in life. I can bake, cook, preserve, house clean and grow a garden. Things that in many people these days is a dying art. So many of my friends simply can't bake or cook. So I am thrilled to be able to create a wonderful home cooked meal.

I have always said that if times get really bad, I can always feed myself and I could always be a great cleaning lady!! lol

So the cinnamon rolls are done - golden brown and placed on my cake plate on the kitchen counter. It is just 9.00 a.m. I wonder how long they will last as it is a revolving door with kids coming and going. But that is how I like it. Enjoy everyone.

Today I dedicate my cinnamon rolls to Mom... thanks Mom for teaching me how to bake and for sharing your recipe.

"AT THE CAR WASH..... working at the car wash ya..."

After 3 days of driving to and from Toronto this past week, I looked at my car and realized it was exceptionally dirty. I really noticed this as I walked out from the Sherway Garden's Mall yesterday afternoon and looked at my car amongst all the clean beautiful vehicles and I said to myself "Self, your car looks like it lives in the country, you need to get a car wash" lol. So on the way home yesterday I decided to get gas somewhere with full service and with a "simple" car wash.

There is a little gas station in New Hamburg that I will sometimes frequent as it is full service. But I have never used the car wash before. But today, I desperately needed to clean up my brown car and return it to her shiny black colour so when I purchased a tank of gas, I purchased a car wash. I got my "code" and waited patiently at the car wash entrance. But waiting for a car wash for me is always about searching for instructions. What do I do after I put the code in? where do I drive? I swear these car washes are just like debit card machines - you never know what side to swipe!! So I scoured the outside of the building for signs telling me the instructions on how to make this car wash operate as smoothly as possible. Now note I have been through numerous car washes and have never had an issue but.....

Ahhhh at last, I see the sign. It is usually smaller than most. That should have been a 'sign' in itself for what was to come. The sign stated - drive in, put your car into park and do not move. Close those windows, don't use your wipers - you know the drill. I say to myself, "Oh, Great- one of those car washes that not only cleans your car but makes you want to vomit in your car with motion sickness as the rollers go by at the same time."

Now time for my code. I entered it and proceeded to follow those simple directions. Drive in. But wait. Drive where? And for how long? There is usually a red or green light inside telling me to keep going or to stop. Or better yet, a little man waving me onto the right track. But this time, there is no SIGN telling me where to go. WHAT? **** yup a moment of panic. Now you may think that this would be simple and I too thought that this would be simple. After all, with all of my miles of driving around Ontario and the US and all the different car washes I have used, get a grip. Just drive. Stop thinking like this is a big event.

I proceed still looking for some light that will tell me to stop when I have arrived at the right place. But then all of a sudden, sticky gluey stuff is being sprayed all over my windshield. I CAN'T SEE anything. Where do I go? How far do I go? ****. So silly me puts on my windshield washers only to remember that the sign outside said don't do that. AHHHHHHHHHHHH.. I quickly turn them off and lose my sight again. I can't see.

I must keep going. I am still looking for a bright green or red light. I look up. I lean over the steering wheel looking way up and there she is. The smallest green GO light that I have ever seen in a cash wash and in the most usual place. But I found it. Whew!!!

Great... It is green. Keep going. Just go straight lady my inner voice says even though you can't see!

And then there it was. Bump. My front left tire seems to be in something. I stop. Nope this doesn't feel right. Nope. I don't have a good feeling but that damn light still says GO. So I go. lol. Another bump. Yup - that is not a good sound. But why is that stupid green light still blinking and saying GO LADY. Ok now the conversation and the debate in my head starts... who is smarter here? me or this green light?

Then I realize that I wonder who is watching. (typical ego talking now) I look in my rear view mirror and damn. There is a truck behind me (a work truck so I assume that there is a male driver- another damn). Great I have an audience. I regain my confidence and think, maybe I am just on the track - the right track that is. Bump - yup clearly not a good day. (And I think... hmmm I wonder how my new tires are making out here.)

But then the door closes behind me and my audience is gone. Perfect. Now I can collect my thoughts and focus. Ok - so now I am in the Car wash. All by myself. I open my window. I look out and down and I notice that I am really really close to the red brushes on the left. Shoot - better put that window up. That was a rule on the sign. Do not open your window. Yikes. I have a flash back moment. I think of that commercial where the man inside the car gets the car wash!!. I put my window up. I look up again. That damn light is still blinking GO GREEN. oh bite me. I drive ahead again. Bump and a terrible rubbing sound. Ok this is not a good sign. I stop. The debate in my mind is over. I will listen to me not that blinking GREEN GO LIGHT. I have decided that this is not good. I am stuck. I secretly think that a miracle might happen and the car wash will start and all will be good. Clearly one side of my car will obviously get cleaner than the other as I am really close to those brushes on the left. But nothing. (probably a blessing in despite as I do like my side view mirrors.lol )

I am now here all by myself inside a car wash with a blinking GO Green light and quite frankly, I have no where to go and better yet, no car wash. Ok a problem. I certainly am not going to get out of my car. I feel quite safe in here. Hmm... well I might as will do something. I grab my blackberry and check my emails. Yup 6 more. Well let do some work. Yup -the song begins."At the Car Wash .... Working in the Car wash ya".

Those 6 emails are now complete and I am still here all alone. I look in the rear view mirror and guess what - out of the window of the car wash door I see that there are more cars lined up to come in. About 4 of them waiting. Guess what people - you aren't coming in here. I am stuck. Hmmmm.. Ok I need another plan. This one isn't working all that well. Maybe a few honks from my horn with get some attention. HONK HONK. Nope.... so let's try it a again. HONK HONK. But don't honk like a crazy woman who is trapped in a car wash, just a gentle tap will do. A small honk saying - excuse me do you have a minute? lol. Not a loud honk stating GET ME OUT OF HERE!!! After all you don't want to let those men behind you to think you couldn't figure this out. I can just pretend that I just bought an exceptionally long car wash. Didn't you buy the deluxe car wash??? lol lol

And then I see a shadow in the window. I am rescued. And rescued by what I affectionately call a "puppy" A really young male. Now since I am exceptionally close on my left side, this puppy comes to my window by the passenger side. Now I say, what happened?

Now I may never forget the look on this young guy's face. As professional as an 18 year old could be, he tells me that I missed the track. He is holding back laughter.

And I know what he really wanted to say was...

He proceeded to tell me that I needed to back up and then try it again. He told me to go left or right but then the joke was on him as he had to look at his hands to identify if he should tell me left or right. lol. (remember if your thumb and forefinger creates a "L" shape, that is your left hand lol). Hahaha!!! So once we got the left right thing figured out, I backed up and did it again. We finally got this car where it should be. Again, I think, I wonder how my new left front tire is doing.

And now back to my audience. Now the truth was out. He needed my code to reprogram the car wash and therefore he would have had to go out to my audience of now 4 cars. (Clearly my audience would know that I didn't have the deluxe-the incredibly long car wash after all.) lol.

Within seconds the car wash starts and I check my blackberry one more time- no more emails. lol . I guess that I just have to wait and feel the motion sickness for the next few minutes as the brushes give me the illusion of swaying back and forth.

Shortly, the door was open and I was free. ESCAPE my inner self said. I look up. What luck. There is another driveway out to the road so that I don't have to drive pass my audience or those puppies working at the gas station. Perfect - escape old lady escape.

I made it. I am at the end of the back driveway waiting for the traffic to clear on the road. I proceed. BUMP. AHHHHHHHH. Guess what?

I guess I missed the driveway!!! lol I drove over the curb in my rush to escape.

I laughed out loud for miles. I drive over 4000 km each month and have a great driving record. But yesterday wasn't my day for car washes or curbs I guess. lol

This was the craziest few minutes that I have had all by myself in a long time!! But I had a blast. It was all too funny. I never got mad, upset or frustrated. And I was never alone. I had some great conversations with my mind "AT THE CAR WASH" and .....all the way home!!

Lessons from the Heart 1.0

"BE THE CHANGE THAT YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD"

I drive a lot for work and that usually means that 3 out of 5 days I am driving on the 401 or any given expressway in Ontario. Yesterday in particular was an interesting driving day for me. The roads were completely bare and in Toronto it sure felt like Spring.

So with that, the cautious winter drivers are gone and here arrive the new spring drivers or should I say 'new personalities and attitudes' on the road. These personalities and attitudes being people with much more road rage.

We have a choice of what kind of driver we want to be. And despite the fact that I believe that if you don't know how to drive on an expressway you should not be there, I do not support road rage or simply put, a lack of courtesy on the road. Now having said that, everyone of us has experienced road rage and has demonstrated it. I certainly have and I have to admit that after I expressed myself I didn't feel good about it. It is a rage that creeps up from the bottom of our foot as it presses on the gas petal and quickly manifests itself in our thoughts and through our voices and our fist.

Yesterday as I spent about 7 hours driving on the 401, 400, 404, and 407, I made a conscious decision to eliminate road rage in my life and "BE THE CHANGE THAT I WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD." Something I once read came back to me as I watched the spring drivers. It stated that we never really know why that person is in a hurry and instead of adding to the negativity in the Universe, I should reverse it. (Now I understand that is pretty deep and if you are not ready to get deep, you may stop reading here. And I am pretty ok with that but in order to be part of the change, you have to get deep.) Perhaps they just received bad news and are rushing to a hospital. Perhaps they are late for their children. And yes perhaps they are just self centered people who believe it is really all about them. But nevertheless, don't add to the negativity and don't judge.

Yesterday I counted 5 incidents just with myself where there was some road rage or a lack of courtesy on the road. Five times there were incidents where other people needed to be where I was or where I needed to be where they were on the expressway. (commonly known as trying to merge into another lane lol). So let me share with you on how I dealt with each of them.

1. I had one guy honk his horn at me when I was trying to merge left. It was like - lady you are not going to get in here. I am here first and who cares about you... What did I do?...I paused and quietly smiled saying - "this will happen to you soon to but go ahead" -and I sent him a little be safe blessing.

2. Then I had one guy who absolutely wouldn't let me get off at my exit and forced me to go to the next exit. (remember this is rush hour bumper to bumper traffic) He pretended to ignore me as I was face to face with him side by side in our cars. Too funny. So I passed my exit and stated - "ok there must be a reason why I am not to go on the ramp today-thank you"

3. All the other times were times when people needed to be exactly where I was, so I said, "go ahead". I braked and let them in. They didn't wave nor showed any kind of appreciation but I knew that this was a good thing.

So kids, Lessons from the Heart 1.0.

"Be the change that you want to see in the world today"

This can be hard to do as we all have so much going on in our lives and we are all so busy but what would it be like if everyone demonstrated kindness and thoughtfulness?

Smile, say thank you, hold the elevator door open for someone, let someone in while driving, hold the door open for someone who is right behind you, pick up that garbage on the floor and put it away. The list goes on.

I know I felt good at the end of the day After all of those hours on the road, I came home feeling quite peaceful. No stress nothing. This could be a key to my success of driving on the road from now on!!!

From me to you with Love...

"the MOM"